Start with Self Awareness

SUMMARY

There is emotional intelligence, which is about the self. Then, there's social intelligence, which is about others. We unpacked a four-quadrant model that started with self-awareness and then went to self-management, which is all about us. Then, social awareness and relationship management which is working with others.

Self-awareness is knowing what's going on internally in that moment. When you experience the physical sensation of emotion, you can recognise it. You can then put a name on it and give yourself the right strategy to move forward. You can understand what's going on in the internal dialogue and your thinking, therefore, harnessing any unhealthy meanings that you put on that original emotion so that the feeling you experience can be one that empowers you to have a better response.

This week, I'm going to continue our conversation in emotional intelligence awareness month by helping you to understand that it all Starts with Self-Awareness.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you find that your emotions creep up on you, and you're not quite sure what's going on? Do you find it challenging to understand which emotion you are experiencing in the moment and therefore choose the incorrect strategy to navigate it?

Well, stick with me, because this week we're going to continue our conversation in emotional intelligence awareness month by helping you to understand that it all Starts with Self-Awareness.

Last week we talked about the power of emotional intelligence and how emotional intelligence can give you the skills you need to get on well with yourself and others. These are the key skills that allow you to have growth and prosper in every area of your life. We talked about the fact that there are two sides to this.

There is emotional intelligence, which is about the self. Then, there's social intelligence, which is about others. We unpacked a four-quadrant model that started with self-awareness and then went to self-management, which is all about us. Then, social awareness and relationship management which is working with others.

What I want to do this week is continue that conversation and unpack that first quadrant of self-awareness.

Self-awareness is knowing what's going on internally in that moment. When you experience the physical sensation of emotion, you can recognise it. You can then put a name on it and give yourself the right strategy to move forward. You can understand what's going on in the internal dialogue and your thinking, therefore, harnessing any unhealthy meanings that you put on that original emotion so that the feeling you experience can be one that empowers you to have a better response.

There are three competencies in this quadrant of self-awareness.

The first one is emotional self-awareness. This is the ability to know your internal states, your preferences and intuitions, and when you are experiencing particular emotions. It's all about having an expanded emotional vocabulary where rather than just having a handful of emotions that you use, such as “happy, sad, angry and frustrated”. In fact, you can take advantage of over 2000 words in the English dictionary alone that can describe the emotion you're experiencing in the moment. That enables you (when you feel you are at a particular emotion or you're experiencing that) to challenge that and to get a more definite and accurate understanding of the actual emotion you're going through.

So, when you feel frustrated, you may realise that you're really just feeling misunderstood; you can take control of that moment rather than wait until you get frustrated.

The second competency is accurate self-assessment. This is the ability to know your strengths and your limitations.

In the Ten Commandments of Enjoying Your Life, we discussed that it's not about comparing yourself to others. It's not about you being perfect; it's about being open and teachable. What this particular competency does (in the context of emotional intelligence) is to let you know accurately where you are in those competencies. Then and only then can you have a starting point to incrementally grow in the competencies you need to work on right now.

The third competency is personal power. This is where you have the knowledge that you've got everything within you and around you to get ahead in life. It's about a high level of self-worth and self-confidence. In my experience, this is the foundational competency for all others. It gives you the ability to bring to mind experiences in your life where you have felt good about yourself and where you have succeeded. It's all about being assertive, setting boundaries and saying “yes” and “no” appropriately without operating in that performance trap.

There you have three competencies in that first quadrant of self-awareness: Emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, and personal power.

This is where you start your journey of incrementally growing your emotional intelligence.

It all starts with you.

If you have been developing or trying to grow in skills helping you to work with others, that's great. However, perhaps it's not working as you want it to because you haven't started with yourself.

Self-awareness gives you the ability to then move to self-management competencies. Self-awareness allows you to (instead of managing your emotions) understand them and then get the information that you need so that you can navigate them in a healthy way.

Self-awareness allows you to be aware in the moment and then create the future you want to experience. Feelings that are empowering rather than disempowering. Then you are ready to move into the self-management skills we're going talk about next week.

Well, that's it for me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation as we wrap up emotional intelligence awareness month by talking about the competencies of self-management.

I'll see you then.