Thou Shalt Ask for Help

SUMMARY

If you tell people that you need help, they will think that you're weak and that you aren't able to do what you do. Once again, I was feeding those fears: the fear of not belonging, not being good enough, and not being loved. Anything that comes out of those fears is not good.

So what I want to do is challenge that, and this is one of the greatest learnings I've had in my life. It helped me physically, emotionally and mentally get back to where I needed to be to do the things I wanted to do in my life. I could help those I was called to help, and I learned that asking for help is a strength.

This week, I want to get across to you the importance of doing things differently and help you understand that "Thou Shalt Ask For Help."

TRANSCRIPT

Are you someone that just goes it all alone, no matter what's going on in your life because you don't want to be a burden to people, and you’re worried about what they might think if you tell them that you've got some problems going on?

I did that for many years, and I burned out physically and mentally.

So this week, I want to get across to you the importance of doing things differently and help you understand that "Thou Shalt Ask For Help."

The reason why you do it all alone — you hold back from asking others to help you, is that you may have a belief that asking for help is a weakness. I know that because past experiences conditioned me in my life, that was the case: “No, don't worry about it.”

If you tell people that you need help, they will think that you're weak and that you aren't able to do what you do. Once again, I was feeding those fears: the fear of not belonging, not being good enough, and not being loved. Anything that comes out of those fears is not good.

So what I want to do is challenge that, and this is one of the greatest learnings I've had in my life. It helped me physically, emotionally and mentally get back to where I needed to be to do the things I wanted to do in my life. I could help those I was called to help, and I learned that asking for help is a strength.

You see, if I look at the relationship, I have with my children as their father, if I put on this front that says: “Everything's okay with dad. Everything's all right.” Then, they see behaviour they don't understand, which will confuse them. They will think: “Well if everything's all right, why is he behaving this way?” Then, they might make it about them and have doubts about themselves.

However, just because I'm the dad doesn't mean I have to put on that brave front. In fact, when I ask my child for help in understanding something that I'm going through, what I'm doing is not only setting myself up to get the support that I need, but I'm teaching a valuable lesson to my children that it's okay to ask for help. I want to be a bit stronger than that and go: “It's a responsibility that each of us has to ask others for help.”

Remember, I said many times: “It's a balance between helping others with self taken care of."

So asking others for help is important so that you can be who you need to be and give them what they need from us. Rather than putting on this brave front, that smile, that outward appearance that says: “Oh, everything's okay with me.” Doing this doesn't serve you, doesn't serve them, doesn't serve the greater good.

So, where in your life could you do with some help?

I'm not talking about something that someone's got to fix all the time. It could be just– you need someone to listen. You need someone to dialogue with you and to allow you to get some things out in the open, whatever it is.

Asking for help is a strength.

Asking for help is something that every single one of us needs to do. I'm not talking about being someone that continually wears their heart on their sleeve, tells everyone else their problems, and they're not worried about anybody else but themselves. What I'm talking about is just being vulnerable enough to go: “You know what? I need some help right now. I'm going through some stuff, and this is what I need from you. I need you to listen to understand,” whatever it is, so that you're not going all alone.

If you continue to go through it alone without the support of others because of the mindsets and beliefs you have around asking for help, it leads to problems in your health. I know all too well — the effects of this stress on your life when you go it all alone. So. I really want to encourage you today to ask for help to realise that it's not a problem to ask for help. It's something that shows that you are strong.

Well, that's it for me for another week. Join me again next week. As we continue this conversation around the “Ten Commandments for Enjoying Your Life.”

I'll see you then.