Controlling the Gap Between Sensation and Response

We've been talking about emotional intelligence and the fact that we are emotional beings. And we talked about the fact that we need some clarity and some awareness of why it is that we behave the way we do so that we can reconcile and make sense of that before we go changing things.

To do that, we need to understand what actually happens in the emotional process. So firstly, we have a physiological sensation somewhere in the body that says, "Hey, something is going on for you right now." It's a cue, it's a sign, a warning signal to let you know. And the key, as we know, in awareness, is to be able to stop in that moment and notice that sensation.

The next thing that happens is that physiological sensation triggers a thought process. It brings up things that we have believed about ourselves and other situations and other people, and the dialogue starts. That is the psychological. So the gap that we want to control is between that initial sensation to what we make that mean, that psychological, how we ruminate on that, which then determines how we choose to feel.

How you then choose to feel determines how you behave. So it's not about managing your emotions. No, they're not there to be managed. They're there to be navigated. But it is about controlling what happens from that initial sensation to the behaviour. And by doing that, we are then back in control of what we choose to do with our emotions.

Remember I said last month, no one can make you feel anything. That's something that you get to choose, and it's the psychological in that gap that creates that choice. So when you experience the emotion, the sensation, stop and ask yourself, "What is this sensation?" Challenge it if it doesn't seem like that's right, and then give it a name.

Naming the emotion that you are experiencing is a personal thing as not everyone experiences emotions the same way. That's a myth that's been dispelled, and we leave it back where it came from. No, however you interpret that physical sensation, give it the name that you give it. Now, there are over 2,000 words in the English language alone that could describe that sensation in the moment. Most of us have two or three or six. So the challenge here is to make sure that you increase your emotional vocabulary. So instead of everything being anger, there are subsets of that and different things that you could name it.

And then the third part is the part we want to control. It's the part we want to make sure that we've got strategies in place to move through so that we get the best possible response rather than an emotional reaction based on dialogue that's unhealthy, beliefs that are not true, and the meanings that you've put on it that create that behaviour.

So we notice, we name, and then we navigate. So controlling what you make it mean is step number one. So why does that happen? Well, deep inside your brain, you have a hippocampus, and in that hippocampus, there are a storage of emotional memories, and particularly if those memories are highly emotionally charged, they're there, and they're ready to come up.

So if something happens that is similar, the people might be different, where you are, the content could be totally different. But if it's similar to what you have experienced in the past, then you can actually, if you allow it to happen, go back into that situation and think it's happening again. So, you could be at work in a meeting, and someone could be raising their voice at you, and you could react to that based on a previous experience that you've had or something that's embedded in that emotional memory.

So, being able to take captive those thoughts that take you back there is step number one. The second thing, obviously, is your belief structure, and as we build our personal power, we've got to change those beliefs. We've got to rewire our brains so that what we believe about ourself and about others and the world is a lot healthier.

So, if your belief is that when this happens, this is what the outcome's going to be, you're going to react that way. So what you want to do is shift those beliefs.

So yes, we're controlling what happens in the gap, but to do that, the method that we want to use is to firstly fix the foundation. We want to change your identity of who you believe you are and who you believe you're not.

You want to rewire your brain and get rid of those limiting and indeed false beliefs. You want to shift what you make things mean in your normal patterns that you run. Then, instead of reacting, you can respond in a calm, methodical, strategic way that is part of a healthy emotional navigation process.

So what is it for you? What are the things that tick you off? What are the things that trigger your behaviour, so that you then afterwards go, "Why did I do that? I know that's not how I want to play the game. That's not how I want to behave, but it seems like it just took over, and I went from normal person to crazy person." That, my friend, is something that you can rein in, something that you can have control of once again by noticing what's going on, giving it a name, and then navigating it in a healthy way.

I love the fact that doesn't matter what our experiences are, doesn't matter what the brain wiring is or the patterns that we've been using up until now, we can shift those. We can change it. Through neuroplasticity, by changing the thought patterns and then the behaviour and repeating that over and over, we can rewire our brain.

So instead of when this happens, we go there straight away, when this happens, we now go a different way. So tell me, how could this change your life if you were able to experience your emotions in a healthy way? Remember, emotions are not negative or positive. They're all valuable. It's how we interpret them and then how we navigate them that decides that.

Well, that's it from me for another month. And we'll keep talking about this through various locations, whether it's in social media or LinkedIn or if you're in any of the groups that I work with. We'll keep the conversation going but I'd love you to get involved and this to be a two-way thing. You know, I've been teaching this now for many years, however, I've been experiencing it myself and learning it myself for a lot longer than that. I enjoy having the opportunity and privilege to work with you and I'd love to get some response. If you've had anything come out of this that helps you, pass it on to someone else and allow them to experience it as well.

And we'll keep going through the year incrementally, changing the way we think, the way we act, and therefore the results we get. I'll see you then.