Building Stronger Relationships

SUMMARY

No matter how far we go with artificial intelligence, I believe that our human-to-human contact is always going to be the major contributor to success in any organisation.

The relationships that you have with other people, whether they be people that you work with, work for, or people outside of work, have a major impact on your ability to be able to get what you want and to have (the outcomes that you are looking for in your leadership personally and that you are working towards in your organisation as well).

This week, I will unpack some thinking around what's important so that you can make the shift from conflict into a collaborative relationship.

TRANSCRIPT

Attraction and retention of great people is one of the biggest challenges we're facing on a global scale right now. We all know that people don't come to and stay in organisations just for the money or for the many other attributes that that organisation may have. People move on based on the quality of their relationships.

So, stick with me because this week, I want to show you how you, as a leader, can make sure that you have mutually beneficial relationships that make people want to stay.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Leadership and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue this conversation around the 9 crucial shifts that every leader needs to make by working on building stronger relationships.

No matter how far we go with artificial intelligence, I believe that our human-to-human contact is always going to be the major contributor to success in any organisation.

The relationships that you have with other people, whether they be people that you work with, work for, or people outside of work, have a major impact on your ability to be able to get what you want and to have (the outcomes that you are looking for in your leadership personally and that you are working towards in your organisation as well).

One of the biggest challenges that we talked about in the early stages of this series was the relationship you have with yourself. It is the foundation for every relationship that you have with others. However, in the people leadership area, I particularly want to have a look at what is important for you to do, and how you need to be, so that your relationships are working for and not against you.

The shift that you want to go through here is a shift from conflict (where you’re continually at odds with people. Where, whether it be just in your thinking or actually going on, you are in a tussle and a competition and all the other challenges that come with working with human beings) to a position of collaboration where you’re able to look at what everyone has to bring, and you’re able to work together and get a result.

That, my friends, is the key to getting people to go on the journey with you as a leader.

In my workshops I talk about the four pillars of teamwork; communication, collaboration, and how we handle conflict and change.

This area of relationships is vitally important for you to be able to operate in those four areas.

What I want to do is unpack some thinking around what's important so that you can make that shift from conflict into a collaborative relationship.

The first thing you need to do to have great relationships is to celebrate diversity.

When you look around, I'm sure you'll notice (just like I do) that people are different from you, and that's a good thing.

Imagine if the world was all like you:

You would be unnecessary in certain situations because you wouldn't have anyone that would challenge you or have different skills from you, and you’d have to be able to do everything.

Celebrating diversity is a different way of thinking.

It’s not just the diversity that you hear about all the time, those common areas of diversity; it's about the diversity of thinking, experience, and all those things coming together in a way that is not threatening but empowering you.

As a leader, your ability to bring people together and move them towards a common goal is one of the most challenging yet rewarding parts of what you do. When you celebrate diversity, it creates a curiosity in you that helps you understand more about other people and why they think, behave, communicate and see the world the way they do. And all these things are really important.

To have a great relationship, it needs to be one that’s mutually beneficial. It's not about taking; it's about working together. So, having that curiosity and desire to understand and look through the lens of other people is really important.

The second area is to master our communication.

Communication is not a one-way street. Communication is something that is two-way.

Therefore, instead of just communicating to be heard, communication starts with listening actively and with an open mind so that you can understand things from other people's perspectives.

It's okay to have a different opinion from someone else, and it's okay for them to differ from yours. Them having an opinion doesn't make yours wrong, and I feel that this is one of the major areas in communication that goes astray. It's being able to work out how others see the world. Let’s look at me as an example:

I am the type of person who sees things through a visual lens where I want you to paint me a picture. However, there are other people who would prefer listening to me. So, in my weekly talks, I have a podcast and a video, and it goes to a transcript in a blog as well, so that people can choose what works for them.

Being able to learn how to communicate, and how to give and receive feedback, are all vital skills to make this shift from conflict to collaboration.

The third area to have great relationships is learning to navigate conflict.

Conflict is inevitable.

When you have people who are different, with their individual views and opinions, operating out of their own uncertainties and their varying levels of personal power, you're going to have conflict and people butting their heads together. Because even though I've said that “it's not what happens, it's what you make it mean”, we still make it mean things about us, whether it was intended or not.

Being able to navigate conflict in a way that looks for resolution, rather than being right, is going to help you to build your relationships.

I've had many situations in my corporate (and my military career before that) where I had a great relationship that was ruined by unresolved conflict. Where I would hold a grudge and hold everything against them for that one little episode or whatever it was because I made it mean that they thought I was less than or whatever limiting and false belief I was working out of at that time.

So, learn to accept that conflict is part of life and learn to navigate it effectively.

There are five different styles that I teach, use, and help people with when I'm working with them on their conflict management. And it's being able to look at that from a position of diversity and go: “One style only doesn't work”.

The biggest conflict style that I see is the “avoiding style”, where people just go, “well, look, if I just ignore the conflict, it'll go away.” And I'm sure if you've done that, you realise (just like I did) that it doesn't go away. It just grows and festers and gets even more damaging. So, this is a key area in being able to have great relationships both in and outside of the workplace.

The fourth area is leading change.

I've said this so often:

“We need to manage the process, but we have to lead people.”

People don't want to be managed. So, if you’re going through a change agenda and you are taking people from where you are now to where you want to go, if you treat them like you do a process that you need to go through, you’re going to miss the mark.

You need to look at people through those lenses we've already talked about of diversity of communication style and behavioural style and go: “What do I need to give each individual so that they have the certainty that they need to take the next step and help us to go towards these changes.”

You need to use different language palettes that suit them. Even using the word “change” for some people is a major issue because it stirs up overwhelm in them.

So, leading change and using your ability to build relationships can be definitely supported, and you can become way more influential when you communicate in the way they need to be communicated in, you handle any conflicts along the way, and you take them on a journey towards their reason for the change, not yours.

Relationships are always going to be the most important part of what we do. We're human beings, so therefore, we're going to be dealing with other human beings all the time.

I don't care about the advancements that happen in Chat GPT or any other AI and other things. It still revolves around our relationships, and this is a crucial shift for you and for every one of us as we develop our leadership.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we round off this conversation in our 9 crucial shifts by looking at a different way of getting results.

I'll see you then.