Conflict Resolution Styles

SUMMARY

Do you have a single go-to style that you use in conflict, or are you able to switch and adapt depending on the situation?

Well, it doesn't matter which one. Today, I will continue our conversation around conflict management by helping you understand the different conflict resolution styles.

Every one of us has our go-to style for managing conflict. This has been created by modeling from people in your life and from the experiences that you’ve had when you’re in conflict situations. Sometimes things went well, and other times they didn’t, so you adopted a style that you thought would work for you in all situations.

Unfortunately, this is not the case because not every conflict situation is the same. So, even though it's great to know what your particular go-to style is, you still need to shift and use other styles so that you can get that mutually beneficial outcome that we talked about last week. Doing so will help you get that triple win: a win for you, for the other person, and the greater good.

There are five particular styles that you can use in conflict resolution situations. What I want to do this week is just unpack them. I want to give you the opportunity to grab a resource to check your style and learn how to adapt to the other styles as you need to.

So let's just unpack these five styles to have a greater understanding of what they are. Then, you’ll look at when they're actually used for these different situations.

1. Competitive.

2. Avoiding.

3. Accommodating.

4. Compromising.

5. Collaborating.

Understanding your go-to style is important. Then, opening up your mind to be able to use other styles in different situations is really going to get you a greater level of success in resolving disagreements.

Well, that's it for me for another week.

Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around conflict management by unpacking a proven process for conflict resolution for you.

I’ll see you then.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you have a single go-to style that you use in conflict, or are you able to switch and adapt depending on the situation?

Well, it doesn't matter which one.

Stick with me in this episode because I will help you understand how you can do things differently moving forward.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence speaker and trainer of the year, and master coach trainer. Today, I will continue our conversation around conflict management by helping you understand the different conflict resolution styles.

Every one of us has our go-to style for managing conflict. This has been created by modeling from people in your life and from the experiences that you’ve had when you’re in conflict situations. Sometimes things went well, and other times they didn’t, so you adopted a style that you thought would work for you in all situations.

Unfortunately, this is not the case because not every conflict situation is the same. So, even though it's great to know what your particular go-to style is, you still need to shift and use other styles so that you can get that mutually beneficial outcome that we talked about last week. Doing so will help you get that triple win: a win for you, for the other person, and the greater good.

There are five particular styles that you can use in conflict resolution situations. What I want to do this week is just unpack them. I want to give you the opportunity to grab a resource to check your style and learn how to adapt to the other styles as you need to.

So let's just unpack these five styles to have a greater understanding of what they are. Then, you’ll look at when they're actually used for these different situations.

Number one is competitive.

The competitive style is about controlling where the main thing is that you win. Now, as I've said before, that was a star that I used all the while. For a lot of people, when they’re not approaching this in an emotionally intelligent way, it’s about having the need to get their point across, proving they are right, and having the need to win at all costs.

Unfortunately, that's where you have relationship breakdowns, and you also have stalemates where conflict is not resolved-- it festers and continues. This type of style is useful in certain situations (we’ll talk about that a little more.) However, Competitive Controlling is not the best style to lead with.

Number two is avoiding.

This is where you keep conflict away at all costs. Last week, you looked at the fact that conflict is inevitable. It's everywhere around us. Therefore, avoiding it doesn't give you the result you think you're going to get.

Putting your head in the sand, putting your work as a front, acting as if there is no conflict, and thinking that the conflict will go away just by doing that, will never work. In fact, it will make the conflict worse.

Now, avoiding is also a style that can be used with other styles in particular situations. However, making that your go-to style because you don’t want to get involved with conflict stops you from having those difficult conversations that you need to have. It stops you from being assertive, confident, and involved in resolving the conflict.

Number three is accommodating.

This is where you accommodate the other person: You give them everything they want to get rid of the conflict. This is a derivative of that people-pleasing, approval-seeking, performance trap. Unfortunately, this cannot always be the best way. It's not always healthy just to let people have what they want all the time. It's very similar to avoiding conflict. The difference being is it's not passive; it's proactive. It's making sure that you're involved in giving the other person what they want.

There might be reasons why you do that. And just like the other styles, there’s a time for this. But making it your “go-to” is not healthy: It’s not good for you, the other person, and not good for the greater good.

Number four is compromising.

This style is where you give a little, and the other person gives a little where you both decide to meet halfway and find a mutually beneficial solution. This style is a great place to think and to move towards. Unfortunately, you don't get a full resolution.

The biggest challenge with this style is that people can use it to manipulate— where they give a little and then expect a lot back.

“Well, I gave you this. So, you've got to give me something.”

Therefore, it can create another side conflict around that particular issue. So, a compromise is a good thing — you’re negotiating and resolving conflict. But once again, using that as your only style is not the best thing for anybody.

Number five is collaborating.

This is where all parties are committed to working together to get a mutually beneficial resolution. There's no manipulation, no avoidance, and no command and control.

It's about talking things out and working on how you can get what you both need so you can have a peaceful resolution.

The collaborating style is the one that's most likely going to keep relationships where they need to be.

We talked about that last week — where relationships are a priority. This is a great style for you to use. However, even though it's a great style, it can be overused.

So, there are five styles that you can use in resolving conflict, in working through and managing these challenging situations with other people.

The key thing I want you to understand here is that you’re not putting these styles on a scale and comparing which style is better than the other.

What you’re doing here is opening your mind to the fact that there are several styles you can use when you resolve conflict. Currently, if you're an avoider of conflict and that's not always the best way to go, then being able to learn and then employ other styles in conjunction with avoidance where it's needed will give better outcomes for you.

As I said, there are situations where all these conflict styles and a combination of these styles are used.

For example, if you’re in the collaborative mindset and things are working okay. However, you get to a point within the negotiation where there's a sticking point. It could be best to avoid that situation and table it for another time rather than allow that one point to derail everything.

A few weeks ago, I talked to you about the fact that communication is all about having something that's mutually beneficial. It's being able to understand what all parties want to say. It's about looking through each other's lens and having that level of understanding.

Sometimes, you need to put things aside.

Other times, you need to have a bit of a compromise. Doing that allows you to move forward to the next step wherein that interim period you’ve had some peace talks and you’ve compromised up to a point so that you can then collect more data, find out more things that you need to, and brainstorm different ways of handling the solution. The difference is, you have already taken a lot of the fire and unhealthy conflict out of it.

Accommodating can be used in conjunction with the other styles as long as you do not do this in a manipulative way. For instance, giving the other person what they need and asking them to give you something back in return.

So, all the styles —even competitive— can be used in conjunction with the other styles and can be used in different situations in different ways.

Competitive controlling is a great style when there is danger imminent, and there's a possibility that someone will get hurt. Being able to take that more direct style in that situation to get the conflict to a point where it needs to be so that you can move in and take a more collaborative approach can be very beneficial.

However, when we lead with competitive-controlling, and that's the only one we ever use, your success rate for mutually beneficial resolution is not that high. That was certainly me throughout my corporate career.

Well, that's it on these conflict resolution styles. As I said, I'd love to give you a resource where you can do a conflict style assessment on yourself by answering some simple questions and identifying your go-to style. The PDF will also give you some examples of when the five styles could be of value. It gives you an explanation of what those styles are at a deeper level than what I've done here.

If that's you, and you would like a copy of that so that you can get yourself to a higher level of understanding, just let me know.

If you are watching this on my YouTube channel or any social media group, comment below and ask me for it.

So, understanding your go-to style is important. Then, opening up your mind to be able to use other styles in different situations is really going to get you a greater level of success in resolving disagreements.

Well, that's it for me for another week.

Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around conflict management by unpacking a proven process for conflict resolution for you.

I’ll see you then.