Connecting with People - The First 90 seconds

Great communication, whether verbal or non-verbal, is a crucial element in successful networking. I am constantly learning from every encounter, from reading books and attending seminars and workshops. I have not yet mastered every facet of the subject, but I have grown so much in this area over time. Becoming a person with exceptional people skills is a lifelong journey.

Connecting with people has three distinct stages, meeting, establishing a rapport and communicating. Sometimes the three areas can easily overlap and blend into each other. The key is to make them as natural, fluid and easy as possible, above all making them enjoyable and rewarding for all parties.

If meeting is the coming together of two or more people, then communicating is what we do from the moment we are fully aware of the other’s presence. In between these two events, meeting and communicating, lies a 90 second window of opportunity, called “rapport”, that links them together.

The Meeting

If you make the right impression during the first three to four seconds of a new meeting, you create an awareness that you are sincere, safe and trustworthy and the opportunity to go further and create a rapport will present itself.

An open body language, eye contact, a great smile, appropriate handshake and confident introduction, are all key elements in setting the scene. The platform we lay here can propel us into stage two, building rapport. We all remember that great movie line, “you had me at hello”.

Building Rapport

This is where we establish common ground, a comfort zone where two or more people can join together mentally. When you have rapport, each person brings something to the interaction. Rapport is the lubricant that allows social exchanges to flow smoothly. The prize, when we achieve rapport, is the other person’s positive acceptance. They may not say it with words but their body language will send out a signal of “I know I just met you, but I like you so I will trust you with my attention”.

Sometimes rapport happens easily and sometimes you have to give it a little more of a hand. Get this stage right and communication can begin. Get it wrong, and you will have to bargain for attention.

As you meet and greet new people, your ability to establish rapport will depend on four things: your attitude, your body language and voice tone, your conversation skills and your ability to discover which sense the other person relies on most. Once you become adept in these four areas, you will be able to quickly connect and establish rapport with anyone you choose at any time.

Communication

This is the stage where there can be an exchange of information and you can get your message accross. Being accepted and understood by the other person depends on the first 90 seconds you have just invested in them. We will cover this stage in greater detail in future weeks, or you can contact us for details of one of our workshops or a one on one consultation.

Why 90 Seconds?

“Time is precious”. “Time costs money”. “Don’t waste my time”. Time has become an increasingly sought after commodity. We budget our time, prioritise it, make it stand still, speed it up or slow it down or lose a sense of it. Yet time is one of the few things we cannot save; once it is gone it is gone!

Instinctively, we assess, unwrap and best guess each other. If we are not skilled at presenting ourselves fast and favourably, we run the risk of being politely or impolitely, passed over.

The second reason for establishng rapport withing 90 seconds or less has to do with the human attention span. Believe it or not, the average attention span of a person is 30 seconds. If there is not something that is fresh or stands out, the mind wanders off to something, or someone, more compelling. In communicating you message it is not enough to command attention, we need to maintain it long enough to get our heart attitudes and intentions across.

Establishing rapport in 90 seconds or less with another person or group, be it in a social or community setting or with a business audience, can seem very daunting to some people. This is one of the most fundamental of life skills yet we are not usually given much training on the subject. Let me encourage you to read books, attend training seminars, get some coaching, and most importantly, practice it as a part of your journey.

Have a great week. You deserve it!

Grant Herbert
The People Builder