Live Your Values

SUMMARY

When the things you do match your personal values, life feels good, and you feel satisfied and content. However, when you work outside your values, to overcome those three universal fears of not being enough, not belonging and not being loved, things feel a little bit out of whack. It’s as if you are a magnet that is repelling rather than attracting. Everything seems to be out of kilter. Although you may have success on the surface, deep inside, you have feelings of regret.

This week, I want to help you have a different look at what you will invest your time and energy in, so that you're working closely within your own priorities by being intentional and living your life on purpose and helping you to live your values.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you feel like you are giving up on what your true values are just so that you can fit in and please other people?

I certainly know that that was the case for me, and it erodes away your true identity.

Well, stick with me because this week, I want to help you have a different look at what you will invest your time and energy in, so that you're working closely within your own priorities.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, VUCA Leadership and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around being intentional and living your life on purpose by helping you to live your values.

When the things you do match your personal values, life feels good, and you feel satisfied and content. However, when you work outside your values, to overcome those three universal fears of not being enough, not belonging and not being loved, things feel a little bit out of whack. It’s as if you are a magnet that is repelling rather than attracting. Everything seems to be out of kilter. Although you may have success on the surface, deep inside, you have feelings of regret.

I did that for many years in my military and corporate career. I subconsciously worked against what my true values were, and therefore, I felt bad about myself, and I felt like a fraud because I wasn’t living out my true values.

So why do we do this?

So, the first thing is all about compartmentalisation, where on the one hand, you are the person that you are away from work, then on the other hand, within your business or career you are a totally different person. Having that mindset can be a good thing if it's done in a healthy way as there are certain skills that are different to what you’re doing in other areas of your life that you need to employ in your career. However, when that goes down to the values level and you’re operating out of a different set of values at work, that's where the problems come in.

The second thing is all about comparison.

Comparison is where you continually compare yourself to others. Therefore, you do things to meet that unhealthy expectation — that unreal world “Instagram-ready” realisation of what life is supposed to be about. Doing this creates an opportunity to work against who you truly are and what you truly value.

When these things are conflicting, it ends up with resentment — feeling like you have given up on who you are and what you believe just to get ahead.

The great news is we can turn this around!

It doesn't matter where you are with it right now. You can make a conscious decision to shift your life back towards your values — what you really believe— without compromising your career, and definitely without compromising who you really are. When you're able to do that, and you have certainty and conviction around what you believe in, then your behaviour can in turn be congruent with what you say you believe.

There have been many opportunities where I have had people speak into my life, and it has convinced me that I was living outside my values. Although they didn't do it in a judgemental way but were doing it to offer me some helpful feedback, I really judged myself.

So, as we go through this today, I want you to avoid doing that. It's not about another opportunity for you to look down on yourself. This is just drawing a line in the sand, doing a values check-in right now, and making sure that if there is any behaviour outside your true values, you can reign it back in and incrementally get back on track.

When you are able to do this, you are going have an inner peace that frees you up to flow in your gifts and talents and reach the results that you've been looking for in a more fulfilling and faster way.

The first thing you need to do is to stop and define your values.

If you don't have clarity around what it is that you truly value, then how are you able to align what you do with them?

You may have had some values in the past that may have been set aside or forgotten.

Therefore, invest some energy in sitting down and working out what your values are.

So, what are values?

Personal values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live so that you can determine what your priorities are.

Last week, I reminded us of that saying that says:

“When you want to see what someone values, you just need to have a look at their calendar and their bank account.”

You need to look at where they're investing their time and money.

You can flip that around when you are getting your values together and ask yourself these questions:

“Where do I truly want to invest my energy?”

“What do I want to spend my life doing?"

“Who do I want those people to be that are around me when I'm doing it?”

Your values are like your own personal GPS that you’d wear on your arm; they guide you to where you want to go and keep you on track.

They’re in front of you so you can go after them, and then they become a filter for everything that you could get involved in. They help you by influencing your decisions and they also change over time.

I remembered years ago, I wanted certain material things that I no longer wanted (by the way, there's nothing wrong with wanting material things). The reason why I wanted them is I had attached them to success. For instance, I wanted to have a 911 Porsche because I thought that If I had one, I would be successful. But now, I have totally different values, and I no longer need those things in my life to feel good about myself.

As you go through this process, you may also find that the things you wanted and valued before are different from what you value right now.

During my burnout period, I learned to value my health way up the list from where it was before.

These things would've happened in your life. There would be experiences like the COVID-19 pandemic that have given you a different way of thinking about what you truly value.

Once you have written down the things that you truly want, they can then determine your priorities. Then, those priorities will enable you to say “Yes” and “No” appropriately and make wise decisions. Where you can go: “If I say ‘Yes’ to this, I am saying ‘No’ that…” or “Are the things that I am saying ‘Yes’ to part of my true priorities?”

The other great thing about knowing what your values are is that as you are going through situations (particularly when you feel uneasy or you feel like things aren't going the way that you wanted them to go), you can then do a values check and go:

“Where am I out of alignment here?”

“What am I thinking, saying and doing which is not congruent with those things that I value the most?”

I felt this way during my corporate career. My highest value was my family; however, to climb the corporate ladder (which was making me feel good as a person), I was actually taking away from spending time with my family.

Although my corporate role provided me with a stable income to support my family financially, I was doing it at the expense of my true value, which was investing quality time with them and enjoying the whole process with them.

So, what is it for you?

What is it that you value, and where are you giving away that importance of that value in the things that you're saying “Yes" to in the things that you're doing?

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around intention by helping you to look at your vision and get you clear about where it is that you are going.

I’ll see you then.