Make Your Promise A Priority

SUMMARY

Are you already a couple of weeks into a year, and your new year's resolution is not quite working out as you wanted it to? Or did you join me last week and start your own revolution?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year, and Master Coach Trainer, and today I want to continue our conversation around starting our year, well so that you can get to the end with the results you want, by helping you make your promise a priority.  

The reason why most New Year's resolutions fail is that you don't make them a priority. So you don't have a problem with getting things done, some shifts in mindset and behavior need to be done so that your New Year's resolution becomes purposeful and you want to achieve. So, you can still achieve the result of that new year's resolution in 2022. The difference is you need to become a priority.  
 
So, to help you to do that,  I'm going to lay down five key principles that will help you understand the neuroscience and the psychology behind what I'm saying and then give you some practical steps that you can do to get that New Year’s resolution, to get that result, and to get things moving forward again.

Number one is Procrastination is a Strategy.  

Number two is the Performance Trap.  

Number three is Being Precedes Doing. 

Number four is Become A Priority.  

Number five (the one most people don't like) is Seek Accountability.  

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week when we continue this conversation around setting ourselves up in January. Doing so will help you have the best possible opportunity to get the outcome you want by the end of the year, where I'm going to help you identify and clear anything out of the way that's holding you back. 
 
I’ll see you then.  

TRANSCRIPT

Are you already a couple of weeks into a year, and your new year's resolution is not quite working out as you wanted it to? Or did you join me last week and start your own revolution?
 
Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year, and Master Coach Trainer, and today I want to continue our conversation around starting our year, well so that you can get to the end with the results you want, by helping you make your promise a priority.  

As I talked to you about last week, most people start “New Year's resolutions.” The challenge is, they do it with great intention (I know I've done that). Unfortunately, they don't follow it up with the action required to go from a great idea or a great intention to implementing something and getting the results they want.  
 
I talked to you about the fact that a lot of times in gyms, the regular members get upset in the first couple of weeks. They're not able to get on a machine because all these new people with great intentions and New Year's resolutions are there, and they're going hard at it. Then a couple of weeks into it, it loses its shine a little bit, and they go back to doing what they were doing before, so it's no problem for the members to get on a machine.  
 
Now, this isn't about you getting upset and giving yourself another reason to feel bad because, “Oh yes, once again, this year I didn't do anything with my New Year's resolution.” This is about picking up that intention and moving forward differently so that the results become the results you want rather than what you've been doing in previous years.  
 
The reason why most New Year's resolutions fail is that you don't make them a priority. So you don't have a problem with getting things done, some shifts in mindset and behavior need to be done so that your New Year's resolution becomes purposeful and you want to achieve. So, you can still achieve the result of that new year's resolution in 2022. The difference is you need to become a priority.  
 
So, to help you to do that,  I'm going to lay down five key principles.  
  
These principles will help you understand the neuroscience and the psychology behind what I'm saying and then give you some practical steps that you can do to get that New Year’s resolution, to get that result, and to get things moving forward again. Don't worry about the fact that two weeks have passed. You can take what I'm going to teach you today, and you can still get away faster results than you would have if you go it alone.  
 
Number one is Procrastination is a Strategy.  

You’ve all heard about this thing called procrastination. There have even been jokes that I've made around it where I said, “oh, I was going to procrastinate once, but I never got around to it.” All that aside, you need to understand exactly what procrastination is and call it out so that you can remove it once and for all.  
  
You see, procrastination itself is not the issue. Procrastination is a strategy that you're using to stop you from moving forward outside your comfort zone. Procrastination prevents you from moving towards those things that you fear, so that internal dialogue is feeding you information that says, “let's hold off on doing that because if you do that, it's going to mean this.”  
 
So, when you understand that procrastination is a strategy, you can employ a new strategy.  
 
So what is it for you?  
 
Why is it that you are holding yourself back from achieving those things that you want? 
 
What do you believe that would say about you if you were to achieve those things?  
 
What is that going to mean in terms of the congruency with what you believe you are worthy of achieving? 
 
So, the first thing you need to understand is that procrastination is not a problem; it’s a strategy you're employing.  

Number two is the Performance Trap.  
 
The performance trap is when you “perform” to get approval from others. Unfortunately, you don't always get approval when you do that. Whether or not you get that approval determines whether you feel good about yourself or not. Being in the performance trap erodes your identity because you become a people pleaser. You become someone who's doing things so that you can eliminate the possibility of those three universal fears: the fear of not belonging, the fear of not being enough, and the fear of not being loved.  
 
So, when you look at the Performance Trap in the context of your New Year's resolution, what you need to do is make sure that the reason why you set that New Year's resolution is actually for your benefit, and it's not for feeding that Performance Trap. So, if you feel that people are judging you about your fitness level, for example, and therefore you go, I'm going to get fit in 2022.  
 
If you're doing that with a purpose and a motive to get the approval of others, then your heart's not in it. It's not something that you own. So the next thing I want you to do is to have a look at that particular thing (that's your New Year's resolution) and go, “why am I doing that?” I like to use a simple process where I put a line down the page and go for “what purpose and at what cost.” So, looking at your New Year's resolution, "what is the purpose for which you want to achieve that?”   
 
If it is to prove yourself to others or get liked, it's not healthy. What it's doing is feeding that internal uncertainty that you have about yourself. It's feeding that negative self-belief and that negative self-talk. Asking the second question, “at what cost?” you can call it out for what it is and go: “Okay. If I do that, I will do it at the cost of these things. You see, priorities are only valuable when they're your priorities. So, let's avoid the Performance Trap.  

Number three is Being Precedes Doing. 

 When you focus on getting stuff done- when you only focus on '" the doing," the actions, the steps, without building the foundational principles (the platform from which to do that), you run into trouble and roadblocks. You have things that come in front of you and stop you. Whether they be mindsets or behaviors, they hinder your progress.  
 
So, the first thing to do is to work on who you need to become so that you can do the things you need to do to have the result that you want to have with that New Year's Resolution.  
 
That's about working on your Personal Power. 
  
That's about working on your Emotional Intelligence. It's about working on your behavioral self-control and getting that dialogue, that internal voice, under control. So, “being” is where you want to start working; ask yourself that question, “who do I need to be in 2022?” rather than just, “what am I going to do?”  
 
Number four is Become A Priority.  
 
One of the simple reasons why you may not be achieving what you want to achieve in your life; whether that be in your practice or any area of your life, whether that be in what you've set as a New Year's resolution; is that everything else is a priority, except you.  
 
When you have a mindset that says self-care is selfish, you get that twisted around. When you have low self-worth, you don't believe that you are worthy of being a priority. Then, if it is something you’ve said as a New Year's resolution that will benefit you, you’ll do everything you can subconsciously to sabotage that and make sure that it doesn't happen. Because if it had happened, it would go against what you believe you are worthy of having.  

 
So, make sure that you look at the whole of your life and go, “where am I putting everybody else first at the detriment to my self-care?”   
 
There is this story I like to use as a metaphor for this. 
 
Just imagine that you're a mum right now. Imagine that you've got four people at the dinner table, and there are only three servings of food. Who's going to miss out? Of course, it's going to be mum because mums are fantastic.  
 
Mums are there to nurture and look after, and they see that as their role.  
 
While that is good in theory and a great intention, the challenge is it's counterintuitive. Because if mum doesn't eat, and mum falls off the perch, guess what?  
 
Nobody eats.   
 
So make sure that you become the priority in your life.  
 
Not in a way where, “I don't care about anybody else, this is just all about me.” 
 
I am not saying that. 
 
What I'm saying to you is you need to get on the list.  

You need to make sure that there's a balance between taking care of others with self taken care of when you become “a priority” in your life.  

The things you want to achieve will become important, and therefore, you'll do what you need to do to make them happen.  
 
Number five (the one most people don't like) is Seek Accountability.  

Left to my own devices, I'm not going to get as much done. I’m not going to become who I want to become unless I've got some people in my life that can speak into my life.  
 
Now I'm not talking about having people there that would feed that Performance Trap, where you become subservient to everybody, and you listen to everyone's opinion.   
 
I'm talking about trusted people with a skill set that you may not have. These are people who have a vested interest in seeing you achieve what you want to achieve this year and tell them what you're going to do.  
 
Be accountable to them and be accountable to yourself and your priorities.  
 
I remember years ago. I had an amazing friend called George. George and I set an intention to go to the gym each morning.  

So, what I did and what George did, is we made sure that we set ourselves up so that we could keep each other accountable. What I did was I said to George, “Hey, I'll swing by and pick you up each morning to go to the gym." Now, because I told him that I was going to pick him up, I was accountable because my word is my bond. And I went to his place. So, there were days when I didn't want to get out of bed, but because I was picking George up, I made sure that I got out of bed, and I went to the gym, and we had fun. We got out of it what we wanted to get. 
 
For some of you, It’s a coach.  
 
I know for me, my coaches keep me accountable. Each week, I go, “this is what I'm going to do.”  
 
Then they asked me on Wednesday, “how are you going with that? 
 
And then, on Friday, I give them an update.  
 
Now, did they need me to do that?  
 
No. I need me to do that to have people there who can help me and go, “how did you go with that?”  
 
And therefore, remind me of what I said.
 
People who can then get in and give me some support and that accountability, if there are roadblocks that come up in the way and stop me from getting through.  
 
People who can help me see those mindsets or keep me in check when I'm not making my goals a priority.   
 
So, accountability is really important.  
 
There you have it, the five key principles that will help you get your New Year's resolution up and running.  
 
Hey, we're only two weeks into the year; you've got plenty of time to get things done. Instead of throwing out the baby with the bathwater and going, “oh, well, I tried to do that this year," recommit to yourself - to what it is that you want to achieve - and then put a plan in place to incrementally move from where you are now to where it is that you want to be.  
 
Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week when we continue this conversation around setting ourselves up in January. Doing so will help you have the best possible opportunity to get the outcome you want by the end of the year, where I'm going to help you identify and clear anything out of the way that's holding you back. 
 
I’ll see you then.