Managing Your Expectations

SUMMARY

Do you have trouble getting your expectations to meet up with what you can actually get done? Well, this is a problem for most people, and it stems from how you see yourself. So, stick with me because this week I want to help you change things around.

Time is something you’re not able to turn or get back. How you navigate the bandwidth you have in your day, week, and month will determine what you get done and how you will feel at the end of it.

So, not being able to manage time, we talked about the 3 things you can manage: your expectations, environment, and energy. And today, I want to do a little bit of a deep dive into the first one—managing your expectations. Your expectations determine how much you take on. How much you take on determines how much you get done. So, it’s a vitally important place to start.

Productivity is all about getting more done from your own efforts. Yet, if expectations are pulling you back, you’re not going to get as much done. So, it becomes counterintuitive when you’re trying to please people and get their approval by doing all this stuff, but you end up letting them down, and what you thought was happening could even come true. So, getting a healthy balance in your expectations will help you get more done and enjoy the journey along the way.

Well, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around productivity by helping you manage your environment. I’ll see you then.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you have trouble getting your expectations to meet up with what you can actually get done? Well, this is a problem for most people, and it stems from how you see yourself. So, stick with me because this week I want to help you change things around.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, leadership and sustainable performance coach, and today I want to continue our conversation about this shift from time to outcomes in your productivity by helping you manage your expectations.

Last week, we started a conversation about how to get more done. We talked about the fact that most people look at managing time, but it’s not something you’re able to do. It’s within your control to manage other things, but not time. Time is something you’re not able to turn or get back. How you navigate the bandwidth you have in your day, week, and month will determine what you get done and how you will feel at the end of it.

So, not being able to manage time, we talked about the 3 things you can manage: your expectations, environment, and energy. And today, I want to do a little bit of a deep dive into the first one—managing your expectations. Your expectations determine how much you take on. How much you take on determines how much you get done. So, it’s a vitally important place to start.

There are 2 types of expectations that we need to talk about here.

The first one is the one that creates the most problems, and that is the expectations you have of yourself.

A lot of times, you expect more of yourself than you’ve got to give. And the reason is it’s linked to those 3 universal fears in the identity work we did: not being enough, not belonging, and not being loved. So, to make up for how you feel about yourself, those limiting beliefs that you have, those doubts that you have in your ability, the performance trap, the approval addiction, the imposter syndrome—all those things we’ve talked about—they are the root cause of unrealistic expectations that you place on yourself. When you feel like you’ve got to do more so that you can get more and people will accept you, that’s where things don’t line up.

The first step here is to look at the expectations you’re placing on yourself. Are you setting yourself up to fail? Are you sabotaging your ability to get through the day, feel good, and have the energy you need to be everyone you need to be in every area of your life? Are you trying to get other people's approval, so you say ‘yes’ when you could say ‘no’? The expectations you place on yourself are the first thing that I want you to look at. And in your day-to-day planning, as you go into your work, I want you to look at what you are expecting from yourself today and see whether or not that’s realistic. You can use the simple model that I’ve talked about before: for what purpose and at what cost?

So, when you look at the expectations you’ve placed on yourself, ask yourself: "Why? For what purpose have I placed that high expectation on myself?"

Now, if it’s to challenge you, if it’s for a positive reason, then that’s okay. We can go to the “at what cost” in a moment. However, suppose it’s feeding one of those identity issues where you’re not feeling worthy and not feeling good enough. In that case, that will normally create a state that will not only stop you from getting where you need to go but will push you on the road to burnout.

So, for what purpose are you doing that?

Then, looking at “at what cost?” If you set this high expectation for yourself, what’s the cost of that? And make sure that you link that to your true priorities—what is that taking you away from? What is that chipping away from you that energetically depletes you?

So, that’s the first area that you need to look at—the expectations that you have of yourself.

The second area is the expectations of others and how you navigate those expectations.

Now, the first thing I want you to understand is that, for most people that I work with, the unrealistic expectations that they think other people have of them are all in their minds. Once again, this feeds those limiting beliefs, those universal fears, the performance trap. So, they think that people expect this of them when they don’t.

Recently, we’ve passed some laws here in Australia that allow people to disconnect. My experience has been that I’ve always had the right to disconnect. I’ve never had an employer that wanted me to be in my emails at midnight. That’s a choice that I made. However, when I felt that I had to do those things to excel, to be in the frame of view so that they considered me and whatever it was that I was trying to make up for in my low self-worth, low identity, then those perceived expectations of what I needed to do, they all came from me, not from other people as well. So, look at that area first, and then at the expectations people have of you and navigate those with boundaries and assertiveness by speaking your truth. Just like everything that we do, this goes back to building your personal power—being able to speak up and help people understand the expectations that they’re actually putting on you.

Let me give you a practical example of this.

Let’s say Bill is coming to see you at work, and Bill says, “I want you to finish this for me by Friday,” and it’s Wednesday, and you don’t know how you’re going to do that. So, what you could do is just go, “Yes, Bill,” and then as Bill goes away, think, “How am I going to do this? Bill’s always giving me too much work to do,” or whatever it is. Instead, you could say, “I would love to do that for you, Bill. Let me ask you a question. Which one of these other things that you wanted me to get done by Friday would you like me to put off until next week?” What you’re doing is helping the other person to understand the expectation that they are putting on you because nine times out of ten, they’re just as busy as you are, and they’ve not realised that’s what they’ve been doing. So, having a conversation brings clarity to the people who are putting these expectations on you about what that actually means.

It’s really important to work on the expectations that you have of yourself, the perceived expectations that you think other people have, and then the actual expectations, and being able to speak to all three of those in a way that helps you make decisions that are good for you.

You see, productivity is all about getting more done from your own efforts. Yet, if expectations are pulling you back, you’re not going to get as much done. So, it becomes counterintuitive when you’re trying to please people and get their approval by doing all this stuff, but you end up letting them down, and what you thought was happening could even come true. So, getting a healthy balance in your expectations will help you get more done and enjoy the journey along the way.

Well, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around productivity by helping you manage your environment. I’ll see you then.