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Playing Well With Others


SUMMARY

Do you find it hard to play well with others, or do you get on with people and you're able to work together effectively?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Master Coach Trainer, and today I want to continue our conversation in the quadrant of relationship management by helping you shift to playing well with others.

Over the last few weeks, we've been talking about building trust, communicating well and listening, and all these things that help us to have better relationships.

Today, I want to unpack why this is important and get you ready to come on a journey with me for the rest of the month where we will go deeper. We will look at the tweaks and adjustments we can all do to have mutually beneficial relationships.

Here are the three things Psychologists tell us what we should look for in interaction.

1. Get your own objectives and results.
2. Maintain your healthy relationships.
3. Maintain your own self-respect.

Playing well with others is something you are going to continue to need to do because you work with human beings. Human beings are emotional. They have opinions. They have their own desires and goals. Their own fears.

So, stick with me as we go through this month and enjoy more mutually beneficial relationships.

I'll see you next week.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you find it hard to play well with others, or do you get on with people and you're able to work together effectively?

Well, stick with me because, in this week's episode, we'll start a conversation about how to work well with others.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Master Coach Trainer, and today I want to continue our conversation in the quadrant of relationship management by helping you shift to playing well with others.

This was a major challenge for me throughout my military and corporate career. I always thought that people were out to get me, that they didn't like me, all those internal uncertainties we've been working on.

Over the last few weeks, we've been talking about building trust, communicating well and listening, and all these things that help us to have better relationships.

For me and for many people that I work with, this is a major issue because we're human beings.

We all have those internal uncertainties.

We all have those fears of not being good enough, not belonging, or not being liked or loved.

We all behave in strange ways sometimes.

It's quite counterintuitive that some things we do, because we don't want to be rejected, actually push people away.

The skills of interpersonal effectiveness help us to overcome this.

We build on the foundations that we've already done around personal power and all the other emotional intelligence competencies that we've worked on. This is in the area of social intelligence where you will have the ability to understand what could be happening in others, have empathy, and communicate with them, etc.

Today, I want to unpack why this is important and get you ready to come on a journey with me for the rest of the month where we will go deeper. We will look at the tweaks and adjustments we can all do to have mutually beneficial relationships.

The goal is always to have a situation that's good for you, for them, and the greater good—and be able to play well with others without throwing your toys out of the cot and having arguments and complaints. It's really a nicer place to live.

This topic is not a “do I need it or do I not?” It's something that every single one of us on the planet could do with a little tweaking and adjusting.

It's something that you continue to build in your life.

Remember, none of these skills is about getting it perfect. It's about incrementally making a change over a period of time.

What I want to encourage you this month is to find one thing each time that you could shift in your thinking and behaviour so that you can have greater relationships.

So, what are interpersonal relationships?

These are the relationships you have with others, and the key word there is personal.

To do that, you need to open yourself up to others. You need to be real. You need to practice all the things that you learned in personal power.

Psychologists tell us that there are three things that we look for in interaction.

1. Get your own objectives and results.

2. Maintain your healthy relationships.

3. Maintain your own self-respect.

To do that, you need to be able to take the best version of yourself into every relationship.

That's why interpersonal relationships are down the back end of the four-quadrant model in relationship management because you do need to work on self-awareness and self-management -- that's our emotional intelligence -- before we get into social awareness which is around empathy, situational awareness, and service orientation. Now we get into those relationship management skills.

If we start here without building a foundation, we have a challenge.

A lot of organisations around the world would want me to come in and teach “soft skills” (as they call them) in that relationship management area. I tell them every time, that working on the foundations is the reason why you get success out of any training you do in that area.

Conversely, the reason why you continue to train in this area is the foundations aren't built.

Bring along all those things we've been working on over the last weeks and months, and let's put them together in interpersonal relationships.

I've talked before about my own four pillars of teamwork. That's the ability for a team of people to be able to have a look at themselves and see how well they collaborate, how well they communicate, and how they handle conflict and change.

Those four areas are also crucial to be looked at when we talk about interpersonal relationships.

So, over the next three weeks, we're going to pull that apart.

My aim for you is for you to get one or two things that you can tweak and adjust for yourself and to take into your team.

As we go deeper on these, you will be able to identify any roadblocks that are getting in the way -- those mindsets and behaviours that you might be working with now that are not getting you the results you want.

Playing well with others is something you are going to continue to need to do because you work with human beings. Human beings are emotional. They have opinions. They have their own desires and goals. Their own fears.

Being able to bring those people together and get them to get on with each other is a challenge. Having the skills of interpersonal effectiveness will put you ahead of the curve.

So, stick with me as we go through this month and enjoy more mutually beneficial relationships.

I'll see you next week.

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