Removing your Roadblocks

SUMMARY

Do you know exactly where it is that you want to go, where you are now, but things keep getting in the way and are stopping you from getting there?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Master Coach Trainer, and today, I want to finish off this little section we've been doing around planning to get more out of the second half of 2021 than you did out of the first by completing our R4 Roadmap and looking at what it is that you need to add so that you can overcome those roadblocks and get from where you are now to where you want to go.

The type of skills that we want to add are those that I've talked about before. We're not talking about technical skills that we need to get here. We're talking about skills that are going to build up our identity, that are going to eliminate those self-doubts, and they're going to give us the confidence that we need and the capability that we need to move forward.

What I like to do is use a four-part process in any behaviour change, in any mindset change, and I'm going to teach it to you today. So, get your pen and paper ready. Let's get started.

The first element in this process is to Recognise.

The second thing we want to do is Reject.

The third is to Replace that behaviour, that thought, that mindset with one that is actually going to give us what it is that we need so that we can move forward.

We do a lot of work in this area in our Emotional Intelligence work in the area of Personal Power. Over the coming weeks, I want to continue to build a platform for you around that and talk about all things Emotional Intelligence. So, go ahead, get started on removing those roadblocks by adding the resources that you need to right now.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, when we go back into the wonderful world of Emotional Intelligence, where we look at the skills and competencies that we all need so that we can navigate our emotions in a healthier and more resourceful way, and therefore, have a greater relationship with ourselves, with others, and a higher level of performance over a sustained period of time. I'll see you then.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you know exactly where it is that you want to go, where you are now, but things keep getting in the way and are stopping you from getting there?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Master Coach Trainer, and today, I want to finish off this little section we've been doing around planning to get more out of the second half of 2021 than you did out of the first by completing our R4 Roadmap and looking at what it is that you need to add so that you can overcome those roadblocks and get from where you are now to where you want to go.

So over the last few weeks, we've been going on a journey together where we had a look at four particular elements that make up your planning process so that you can get much more value out of the effort that you're putting in so that the end of 2021 looks a lot different to what it would have if you hadn't put that effort in.

So just to recap, what we looked at is a four-part process where we mapped out exactly where it is that we want it to go. We looked at that in relation to where we are right now. We looked at those things that we were doing or not doing that usually stops us from getting the momentum that we wanted.

So this week, what we want to do is we want to add the resources that will overcome those roadblocks and help you to get from where you are now, finally, to where you want to go.

There are a few things that we need to consider when we're looking at these resources. Now, resources are sometimes looked at a:

"What do I need to throw at it in terms of finances?" Or

"What do I need to put more people into?"

No, not just that. What I'm talking about today is what do I need to do to build me up? What do I need to do so that I can become who I need to become to overcome those roadblocks?

We talked about the fact, last week, that those roadblocks that we put in place, we're putting them there for a reason. We're sabotaging our own journey. And we looked at it in a way of being at the responsibility rather than that blame being at cause not effect.

So, we're not looking at externally what's going on. There's enough of that outside of our control. We're looking at what is it that we need to do more or less of so that those roadblocks are no longer there. So when we talking about resources, what we're talking about is personal and professional development that we need so that we can become who we need to become to overcome the roadblocks, to get them out of the way, and finally get to where it is that you want to go. So to do that, we need to make some shifts in mindset and behaviour. We need to change internal dialogue. We need to change our thoughts, our beliefs. We've talked about those things before. And we need to be able to employ practical skills and strategies that actually look at and navigate those roadblocks differently to what we did before. We need to make sure that we're looking at what we could do rather than what we should. So once again, this entire exercise is not an opportunity for us to 'should' all over ourselves and make ourselves feel even less capable of getting the results we want. This is a process that's meant to empower us.

The type of skills that we want to add are those that I've talked about before. We want to make sure that we are looking at behaviour change. We're looking at our Emotional Intelligence, our Social Intelligence, and in the coming weeks, I'm going to get back into the basics of that area. We've got our Emotional Intelligence Online Summit coming up in September, and I want to make sure that I set a good framework around that. So, we're not talking about technical skills that we need to get here. We're talking about skills that are going to build up our identity, that are going to eliminate those self-doubts, and they're going to give us the confidence that we need and the capability that we need to move forward. What I like to do is use the four-part process in any behaviour change, in any mindset change, and I'm going to teach it to you today. So, get your pen and paper ready. Let's get started.

The first element in this process is to Recognise.

Last week, we identified what these roadblocks could be, and we made a list of those. And if you haven't done that, then go back, watch last week. Indeed, watch any of the last four weeks, if you're not where we are right now and get yourself prepared for this. So, we identified them. What we want to do now in this recognise process is we want to call them out for what they are.

We want to recognise any thoughts, beliefs, behaviours, and make sure that we clearly identify them as what they're doing to stop us rather than what we think they were doing to help us.

For example, I could have a habit where I'm constantly going away from the things that I need to do to a comfort activity. And I might've convinced myself that that was all about self-care. That was all about helping me to disengage and relax. What I need to do is recognise that it's a comfort activity, recognise that what it's doing is actually stopping me from doing what I don't want to do, so therefore, it's stopping me from moving forward. We have limited bandwidth in our life. So, we need to do things that are moving the needle the way we want to go. And if I'm doing something to the contrary, and I've convinced myself, and I've given myself an elegant justification as to why I'm doing that, then it's not going to change. So, I need to recognise clearly what it is that I'm thinking, saying, doing or not doing that's stopping me from going forward.

The second thing we want to do is Reject.

As I said, we have thought before this thing was doing us good, that I was doing this for a reason. And that internal dialogue that we have programmed, we've convinced ourselves to let it let us know when we're going to do things again to move outside our normal comfort zone.

So, we think that it's doing us good. In psychology, there's a term called secondary gain. So, there's actually something that we feel we're getting out of it. So if I'm not speaking up for myself, what I think is I'm keeping myself safe. I'm keeping myself away from conflict. Yeah, but what I'm really doing is I'm keeping myself from moving forward.

So now that we've recognised what it is, whether it be a belief, a thought or a behaviour, now we want to reject it and go, "Well, hang on a minute. No, it's not actually giving me a positive result like I thought it was, so I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm getting rid of it. I'm rejecting it. I'm throwing it out. It's now not going to be my go-to. It's not going to be the way that I operate." So, that's the secondary. And without rejecting it, once again, we're not going to go any further. There's no use recognising it and then keeping it. That's going to frustrate us even more. We're going to make a conscious decision to cut it off, to get rid of it, and go, "No more."

The third thing we need to do, now that we have recognised and rejected the things that we're doing or not doing, is to Replace that behaviour, that thought, that mindset with one that is actually going to give us what it is that we need so that we can move forward.

Now, a lot of times that's going to just be the exact opposite of what we were doing before. Let's take the example of smoking. By the way, I used to smoke many years ago. This is not a reformed smoker saying anything bad about smoking. You can work that out for yourself. There's enough science for that for you to do that. What I'm using it for is it's a great example, because it's one that I've worked with many times with over the years. So, they've recognised that smoking is not a good thing, but to recognise it and not really object to it means they're going to keep smoking.

So, they've rejected that and said, "Yeah, okay, I'm not going to smoke anymore." What do people do in that situation? They replace it with something else. That's the original addiction feeding the original uncertainty. So, they might eat more, drink more alcohol. They might get cranky, whatever it is. I know certainly when I was giving up smoking many years ago, that was the one for me.

So, what we want to do is we want to make sure that we replace it with something that's actually resourceful, something that is actually going to help you something that is going to remove those roadblocks and allow you to go forward. So in that instance, what I do is, a lot of times, I get my clients or I've got my clients to get a few carrots and cut up some carrot sticks. And in situations where they might've wanted to go and have a cigarette "because I'm feeling stressed" or someone's said something, I've got them to replace the reaching for the cigarette with the reaching for the carrot stick.

And just the fact act of picking that up and putting it in their mouth and going to chew, it means that they're not doing a big change. They're just doing a slow change. So, the same thing with an unhealthy belief. So if we have the old belief that's not serving us, we've recognised that, we've rejected it, now we want to replace it with one that is going to serve us. So, it could be an old belief of, "I am not good enough." We want to flip that to, "I am getting better every single day." "I'm too old. I'm the perfect age for what I'm doing right now." So, we are turning what was something that was holding us back into something that's going to empower us. So, that's the third area, which is replace.

The fourth and final part of the process is to Repeat. We know through the wonders of neuroscience that neuroplasticity is all around rebuilding the brain wiring. It's about rebuilding new neural pathways. So instead of when this happens, I normally go there, now, "When this happens, I go there instead." And over a period of time, those new neural pathways are built. So, once we've recognised, we've rejected, and we replaced, we just continue to repeat over and over the new strategy, the new belief, the new behaviour, just like we did to build those strong pathways with the old ones that we want to get rid of.

So, there we have a four-part process for behaviour change, for mindset change, where we can recognise and call it out for what it is, reject it and say, "It doesn't have a place in my life anymore." Replace it with something that's actually going to get the results we want based on logic, not on our uncertainties and our self-doubt. And then we're going to repeat that over and over again. And through that repetition, we're going to rewire the neural pathways in our brain, and we're going to become who we need to become so that we can overcome those roadblocks to go from where we are now to where we want to go.

So, what is it for you? Looking at that list of roadblocks that you came up with last week, what's the first thing that you are going to recognise and call out for exactly what it is so that you can then go through the process of rejecting it and replace it with something else? We've got to make sure that when we recognise that we recognise the root cause of why it was that we believed that, why it was that we were doing that. And you might need your coach to work with you when you're doing that so that you actually go beyond that surface level of what your understanding is and get down into the subconscious and work out what exactly that it is that's holding you back.

We do a lot of work in this area in our Emotional Intelligence work in the area of Personal Power. Over the coming weeks, I want to continue to build a platform for you around that and talk about all things Emotional Intelligence. So, go ahead, get started on removing those roadblocks by adding the resources that you need to right now.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, when we go back into the wonderful world of Emotional Intelligence, where we look at the skills and competencies that we all need so that we can navigate our emotions in a healthier and more resourceful way, and therefore, have a greater relationship with ourselves, with others, and a higher level of performance over a sustained period of time. I'll see you then.