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The Power of Emotional Intelligence

SUMMARY

We are emotional beings.

Every single one of us is created with emotions as the basis for our survival, for being able to be who we need to be, and do what we need to do, in every area of our lives.

As this is Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month, I want to unpack several things from that subject that helped me to be able to live up to those 10 commandments. As I've said, I'm not perfect. Just like you, I'm a work in progress. However, putting these things together makes it a lot simpler to be able to stay on track.

Let's start talking about why this subject was so important to me and why (wherever I work all around the world) people sit up and take notice because they realise that this is the key to being able to go from who they are (with all the challenges) to who they want to be.

This week, I want to start by talking about "The Power of Emotional Intelligence."

 

TRANSCRIPT

Over the last three months, we've been talking about the Ten Commandments for Enjoying Your Life. That's a list I've put together from my journey of imperfection. It’s a list of things that had helped me to enjoy what's happening around me a lot more than I did before, things that I was doing in the past that weren't serving me, and alternatives that will give me the results that I want.

As this is Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month, I want to unpack several things from that subject that helped me to be able to live up to those 10 commandments. As I've said, I'm not perfect. Just like you, I'm a work in progress. However, putting these things together makes it a lot simpler to be able to stay on track.

So, stick with me because this week, I want to start by talking about "The Power of Emotional Intelligence."

We are emotional beings.

Every single one of us is created with emotions as the basis for our survival, for being able to be who we need to be, and do what we need to do, in every area of our lives.

Quite often, I hear people say things like, “ leave your emotions at home or don't be so emotional”, and it really gets my goat because it's impossible for a human being to be anything but emotional. We are emotional beings; It's part of our wiring and DNA.

There have been so many things we have learned over the years that need to be unlearned. Things we were taught based on the understanding that we had then of what emotions were and, indeed, emotional intelligence, which comes from that.

I want to make sure that as we go through over the next few weeks, you can clear the slate and start with a benchmark understanding of what it really is so that you can then use that (coupled with those ten commandments) to enjoy the next part of your journey even more.

Let's start talking about why this subject was so important to me and why (wherever I work all around the world) people sit up and take notice because they realise that this is the key to being able to go from who they are (with all the challenges) to who they want to be.

You see, we're all in constant conflict. The conflict that starts internally -- the conflict between who you believe you are and who you really are.

That internal dialogue is based on the experiences and beliefs you’ve had and then stems into conflict with others. When you handle your emotions in an unhealthy way, it eliminates your engagement and creates chronic stress that leads to you being sicker and taking longer to get well. It decreases your productivity in your career. It creates conflict, which can include leaving relationships and jobs. That means that our career is going to take a back step. But it doesn't have to be that way:

When you learn how to navigate your emotions in a healthy way, you can have great relationships. You can have all the energy you need to be who you need in every area of your life.

Teams seem to work together with a common goal. Even though there are differences, those differences are celebrated, harnessed and brought together so that collectively you can achieve more than 90% of the attributes you need to get on with others, get done what you need to get done and have a great career.

Our entire life can be found in these skills. It's not to say that our cognitive intelligence and technical skills are unimportant. They are. However, these skills separate you from being able to do things and have talents that can be used in the workplace in a technical role. These skills allow you to get on well with yourself and others and be a great leader.

My experience is that in my corporate career, I didn't have any of these skills (or they were pretty low). I didn't even know they existed. Ever since finding out that they did, I've been on a passionate quest to be able to increase my own and help as many people as I can around the world.

Since this month is emotional intelligence awareness month, what we're going to do over the next couple of weeks is create an awareness around what it is, what it isn't, and how to use it in your life.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware of the emotion you are experiencing in the moment and then use that information to manage your behaviour. So, it's not about managing the emotion, it’s about regulating the response. An emotion is a physiological sensation in the body that, when coupled with our thoughts and what we make that mean, becomes a feeling we put a name on and then try to navigate.

Depending on how you navigate the emotion, it will go in certain directions. Sometimes it will escalate in intensity. Other times it will be able to be harnessed and navigated in a way that your behaviour is healthy for you and those around you. Unfortunately, that's not the case for most of us because we haven't been taught how to do this.

The first thing is it's an ability. Every single one of us can learn a set of skills. It has nothing to do with age, ability, the stage of life that you're in, your career or anything else. So long as you have a desire to grow and a mindset that says, “I've got some great strength and some areas that I need to be developed in”, you can start from where you are now; draw a line in the sand and incrementally increase these skills.

Emotional intelligence is part of a four-quadrant model, which is a model that talks about the self and others. When you put the two together, it's Emotional and Social Intelligence. Emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. There are competencies in there to enable you to know the emotion you're going through and why and to accurately assess where you are in those various competencies. It also has (what I believe is the baseline competency) Personal Power which is all about your self-worth, your self-confidence, and your ability to know that you've got everything within you and around you to get ahead in life.

Then we have self-management. In this area, we have ten competencies that enable you to take what the awareness gives you and then implement strategies to manage the behaviour. You can navigate the emotion in a healthy way so that it gets the results that you want.

Then we look at others, and we look at Social Intelligence, which is the ability to be aware of what ‘might’ be going on in the emotions of others and then to be able to navigate that in a way that allows you to have more healthy relationships.

Social Intelligence starts with awareness. Awareness of others; being able to have empathy and understanding of what's going on around you. Having a wide-angle lens, being curious and looking at things to serve others, not just getting what you want yourself. Then there are 10 more competencies of Relationship Management.

These are things like communication, conflict management, and the competencies that are unfortunately called “soft skills”.

They're not the “soft skills”. They're the ones that, when we are low in them (and particularly in a collective environment when everybody's low or has room for improvement), can create a lot more conflict and a lack of that unity we need to get things done.

So next week, we're going start the journey of looking at self-awareness because that's where it starts. It's no use coming down here and building those relationship management skills when the foundation of your emotional awareness is low.

Join me again next week as we continue this conversation where it all starts with self-awareness.

I'll see you then.

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