The Trust Makers

SUMMARY

Do you have a hard time getting people to buy into what you're putting down?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, emotional intelligence speaker and trainer of the year and master coach trainer. And today, I want to continue our conversation around building trust by helping you understand the trust makers.

This week, I want to go a little bit deeper and give you some key strategies, some key things to look at, to make sure that you're doing so that you can build trust fast.

1. Be interested in them.
2. Share who you are.
3. Discuss thoughts and feelings.
4. Check-in for feedback.
5. Express appreciation for others.

Trust is a journey; it's not a destination.

So, making sure that you're constantly behaving in a way that allows people to trust you means you need to reflect not just on what you're doing well but what you could do differently from what you are doing right now - the things that we could eliminate out of your behaviour.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, where you will look at the other side of the scale and have a look at the trust breakers, the things that we could be doing right now that erode that trust that we're working so hard to build.

I'll see you then.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you have a hard time getting people to buy into what you're putting down?

Well, stick with me because, in this week's episode, I want to show you how you can build trust fast so that they want to work with you.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, emotional intelligence speaker and trainer of the year and master coach trainer. And today, I want to continue our conversation around building trust by helping you understand the trust makers.

We've been having this conversation around trust in the last couple of weeks. And we talked about the fact that trust is low in many areas of leadership in the world right now.

Last week, we looked at the behaviours of a high-trust leader and what we can look at in our behaviour to make sure that we set everything in place to allow people to trust us.

I want to go a little bit deeper this week and give you some key strategies, some key things to look at, to make sure that you're doing so that you can build trust fast.

Certain things get people to trust you. And you do certain things to stop people from trusting you.

Obviously, we're not going to live in a perfect world. We just want to ensure that we're doing more things that make people trust us. And next week, we'll talk about the things that break that trust.

Trust is something that's earned, and it's not done once. It's something you've got to work at continually.

So, for me, I use these things that I'm about to give you in this list as a litmus test to be able to look at my behaviour and go, "Could I be doing some things differently here?" When I sense that people might not trust what I'm saying, "I can go back to this." And it helps me to massage things a little bit.

Remember, people need to know you, like you, and trust you before they buy into anything that you're going to do.

So let's look at these; and they're not an exhaustive list, but these are the ones that I find to give the greatest return and a faster building of trust.

1. Be interested in them.

I know we all like to focus on ourselves.

That's the way we are created - to be self-centred. It's all about protection. It's all about staying safe. It's all about ensuring that we get ahead with what we want to do in life.

But nothing says “I don't know about this person” more than when you're constantly talking about yourself.

But what escalates trust in that know-like-trust continuum that we're talking about, is when the person actually knows that you're genuinely interested in what they've got to say in their lives, in what it is that they want to achieve not just you.

So, you can do this by going deeper in your conversations rather than being surface-level or only being task-oriented.

People can understand that it's a mutually beneficial relationship; the more curious you are, the more you show interest in what they've got to say and what they're doing.

This is a key element in being able to develop trust.

2. Share who you are.

A lot of times in my leadership, I was continually just showing people what they needed to know, showing them what I knew, and talking about things, facts, and tasks. But when I opened the door and let people in and showed them more of who I am, that allowed them to trust me.

And the reason for this is they go, "How this person is just like me. They've got the same challenges that I face. They're going through some similar things in their own life."

And when there's no disparity, that bond of trust can be built a lot quicker.

Another part of this is making sure that you show who you truly are.

You know, when you pretend that you are someone that you're not, because you're a people pleaser, running the performance trap (all those things that we've talked about many times before) people sense that something's not quite right.

And when you put on that charade, that façade, you've got to remember who it is that you were trying to be or acting as with that person the last time you were with them.

So, when you do things that are a little bit out of whack with what you were used to, it's confusing. And when there's confusion, there's a lack of trust.

So, make sure you show them who you really are.

For me, all the things I do are great. But at the end of the day, I'm an ordinary guy with an outstanding wife, five amazing kids, and three exceptional grandkids who are on his journey of imperfection.

And that's how I want people to know me. And people know that because I'm open and vulnerable, I can be trusted for them to open up to me as well.

3. Discuss thoughts and feelings.

When the conversation's all about facts.

“This is what I think about that.”

“This is what I know about that.”

It loses that human element.

Being okay to discuss how you feel about things and allowing an open environment for them to be able to tell you how they feel. That's going to build a high level of trust that says, "The conversation I'm having with this person is enjoyable. They're not trying to hide things. They're actually telling me more."

It's not surface level. Again, it's not ticking a box.

So, allow yourself to open up, talk about feelings, and encourage others to do the same. It's a critical element in being able to develop trust fast.

4. Check-in for feedback.

Make sure that there's space left for the other person or people to ask questions and challenge where they need to get clarity and get certainty, rather than just downloading everything that you want to say or get them to do and then walking off, which is something that I used to do with my team a lot.

"I was busy. I just give you this, and you'll do it."

No.

Make sure that they can ask questions. Make sure they can navigate change or a task the way they need to, rather than just with the facts.

Make sure, by asking them questions, that they understand what it is that you've committed to, and what it is that you and they are going to be doing together.

Make sure that you're open to that feedback for people to be able to say, “Hey, can I have a chat with you? There's an issue here that I think we need to discuss.”

Being open to that, using reflective, active listening, that all say, "This is something we're doing together. It's not one-sided." And that will build trust.

5. Express appreciation for others.

You know, we talked about it already in one of the points:

It's not about you; it's about us.

It's about them.

So, just talking about yourself, what you've done and what you're doing and talking about the task takes out "them".

So, when people do the littlest things, express appreciation. Make them feel valued and make them feel worthy.

And in many cases, they have more belief in them than they have in themselves. That's the type of person that people want to trust.

When you edify, when you build up somebody else, when you allow them to be the centre, rather than yourself, that means that they will know you, like you, and trust you far quicker than they would.

They might be worried about what might be hidden and what's the agenda here. But letting them know that you care, that they're important and that you appreciate them, not just what they're doing, is vitally important for you to build trust.

Well, there you have it, the top five things that help people trust you. I call them trust makers.

And putting those together and making sure that you've got them on your radar, and you're looking to see where you could use them more.

By the way, this whole exercise is not a tick box to see whether or not you're doing it, and therefore it's a yes or no or a pass or fail. These are all resources that you can take with you.

And when you sense that trust is not being built, add some of these elements and watch it change before your eyes.

You see, just like you don't trust everybody because of past experiences you've had, where you've been let down, where people have done the things we're going to talk about next week, they've broken trust with you. The people that you're working with are no different.

So, when you work together to build a bond of trust between both of you, it's going to mean that your relationship is going to be far more fruitful and far more mutually beneficial.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, where you will look at the other side of the scale and have a look at the trust breakers, the things that we could be doing right now that erode that trust that we're working so hard to build.

Trust is a journey; it's not a destination.

So, making sure that you're constantly behaving in a way that allows people to trust you means you need to reflect not just on what you're doing well but what you could do differently from what you are doing right now - the things that we could eliminate out of your behaviour.

So, the next time we're together, I will have turned 60. I'm excited to be celebrating my 60th birthday this week. And I'm excited to go into another decade to be able to do what it is that I get to do every single day and that works with people.

So, thank you for having the trust in me to follow me this far. And if I can help in any way, no matter where you're watching or listening to this, there's a way that you can get in touch, and I'd love to be a part of your journey.

So I'll see you again next week.