Thou Shalt Not Compare Yourself to Others

SUMMARY

For many years, I didn't get where I needed to be because I put it up against someone else in everything that I did. Instead of celebrating my progress, I was pulling it back and going: “Oh, that's not good enough because ‘so and so’, does this better than me” or “they've got a better result than me.”

Comparing yourself to others is going to hold you back. It will give you more evidence that you continually want to give yourself that you're not good enough — that you're not as good as others.

So, comparison is not where it's at. It's as toxic as perfectionism. It's not a goal. It's not something that's going to serve you.

So focus on who you are and what you are supposed to be doing and not worry about others — what they think, what they've done, and what they have.

Join me this week as we finish the Ten Commandments for Enjoying Your Life with number ten, which is “Thou Shall Not Compare Yourself to Others.”

TRANSCRIPT

Do you tend to run a sheet over yourself and tick and cross where you feel you are good enough? Do you do this through the lens of looking at what you see others do and what they have?

Well, I want to finish these Ten Commandments for Enjoying Your Life with number ten, which is “Thou Shall Not Compare Yourself to Others.”

Last week we talked about your gifts and talents and the fact that you are unique. So when you take two unique things and compare them, you’re not going to get an accurate comparison because you’re not comparing apples with apples. More importantly than that: comparison is a dream stealer. It says: “I'm not doing as well as that person”, or “This person has got these things that I don't have”, or “these talents, these gifts, these material things”,

whatever it is.

What it does is erodes your approval, and it is a big part of the performance trap. You then have an eroded identity foundation which means you hold back from doing anything differently. So it's self-perpetuating, and it spirals down.

For many years, I didn't get where I needed to be because I put it up against someone else in everything that I did. Instead of celebrating my progress, I was pulling it back and going: “Oh, that's not good enough because ‘so and so’, does this better than me” or “they've got a better result than me.”

It could be in my coaching group, where my coach works with many people on different journeys from me.

If I compare myself to where they are because they've been doing it differently, or they're in a different market or whatever it is, and I go: “Hmm, that's evidence that I don't belong here,” that's nonsense. Because my journey is my journey, and their journey is their journey. Putting those two things together is not coming up with an equation or a result that will help me move forward.

The only person I want you to compare yourself to is the new version of yourself: The version of yourself that you're becoming. If you look at this is where you are now, and this is where you want to be in certain areas of your life — by looking at where you have moved forward in that and how much further you have got to go, it inspires you and helps you to move forward. That's forward-focused reflection. And we've talked about that.

Comparing yourself to others is going to hold you back. It will give you more evidence that you continually want to give yourself that you're not good enough — that you're not as good as others.

It's like on social media; people put their best selves out on social media. So what you do is you look at that, and you go: “Wow, I wish I could go on a holiday like that. They must be better than me.” That's not the truth. Everybody's got their own life experience.

So, who are you comparing yourself with right now?

I did it for years, and if I didn't shift that into what I'm doing now, there are so many people around the world that I wouldn't have met, that I wouldn't have worked with, and wouldn't have been able to help because I would've stayed back in that safe zone that says: “Don't put yourself out there because that'll expose the fact that you're not as good as everybody else.”

No, I'm not supposed to be as good as everybody else.

I'm supposed to be me: Teachable, humble, growing day-by-day on my journey of imperfection, and so are you.

So, comparison is not where it's at. It's as toxic as perfectionism. It's not a goal. It's not something that's going to serve you.

So focus on who you are and what you are supposed to be doing and not worry about others — what they think, what they've done, and what they have.

Well, that's it. We've gone through the Ten Commandments for Enjoying Your Life. In fact, my Ten Commandments, they're not THE “Ten Commandments”. You could have different ones.

What have you learnt? What have you changed in your thinking and behaviour by going through these Ten Commandments?

I encourage you to go back and look at them -- put them up somewhere if they've helped you. I've really enjoyed going on this journey with you, and I look forward to continuing to give you weekly tips from my own journey of imperfection.

I'll see you then.