Thou Shalt Set Boundaries

SUMMARY

When you are operating in the performance trap out of fear and wanting people to like you, you can just go along day-to-day without any boundaries in your life.

I have limited bandwidth in my amount of energy, just like you. So, I've made sure for myself and others that I set clear boundaries around where I will expend my energy. Doing so made it simple to say no and yes, appropriately.

If nobody knows what your boundaries are, then it's difficult for them to be able to honour them. So, boundaries are extremely important. What I'd love you to do this week is consider where in your life you could have stronger and healthier boundaries, boundaries that are good for you, others, and the greater good.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you find it hard to get things done in your day? Do people tend to take advantage of your generosity?

Well, stick with me because I want to help you to understand that "Thou Shalt Set Boundaries."

When you are operating in the performance trap out of fear and wanting people to like you, you can just go along day-to-day without any boundaries in your life.

Now, these boundaries are the ones that you need to have for yourselves and the ones that you need to have for others.

These boundaries come from deep within your priorities (not the priorities that are helping you to run the sabotage strategies that you’ve been running so that you avoid the fear of not belonging, not being good enough or not being liked) but your true priorities. Understanding what's most important to you is where your energy is best used.

To do this, you need to set boundaries.

To set boundaries, you firstly need to understand what's important to you.

You need to be able to go through an exercise where you look at your values, beliefs, and the things that are most important to you, and then go: “which ones of those do I need to protect?”

A big one for me is my energy.

I have limited bandwidth in my amount of energy, just like you. So, I've made sure for myself and others that I set clear boundaries around where I will expend my energy. Doing so made it simple to say no and yes, appropriately.

What is a boundary?

If we think of some sheep out in the paddock and the farmer wants to bring the sheep in to give them some medicines, shear them and look after them. To be able to do this, what the farmer does is, instead of just leaving them roaming around out there in the big paddock, he puts up a boundary.

He puts up a fence that is smaller than that larger area. He brings them into that particular boundary area and shuts the gate. From there, he can do what he needs to help them.

That's exactly what you need to do.

When you set a boundary, you need to look at the whole and then bring it in so that you've got a safe, healthy and disciplined place to do what you need to do so you can help yourself and others.

It's all about balancing helping others and taking care of oneself.

How do you set these boundaries?

The first thing is you need to have a mindset that says:

"I'm only going to set boundaries that I'm going to keep.”

A boundary by itself is of no value unless you enforce it.

So, if the farmer brings in the sheep and leaves the gate open when he goes away, they're not going to stay there.

You need to ensure that your boundaries are something you will follow through on. Then once you have created the boundaries, firstly, for yourselves, you need to make sure that you consider who you need to be so that you can actually have those boundaries and do the things that those boundaries are prompting you to do.

You also need to ensure that you clearly communicate with others the boundaries you have set for them. You can do this by conversing with them and saying, "Hey, this is how it works for me", and letting them understand your boundaries.

If nobody knows what your boundaries are, then it's difficult for them to be able to honour them. So, boundaries are extremely important. What I'd love you to do this week is consider where in your life you could have stronger and healthier boundaries, boundaries that are good for you, others, and the greater good.

Well, that's it for me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around my 10 Commandments For Enjoying Your Life.

I'll see you then.