Understanding Emotional Intelligence
SUMMARY
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware emotionally and to know in the moment what the sensations — those physiological emotions — are trying to tell us. Then, to use that information to navigate the emotion in a healthy way that brings about positive feelings and results.
Emotions are not something to leave at the door when you come to work; they are a part of who you are.
This week, I will help you unpack what Emotional Intelligence really is, and what it isn't by building up your identity and becoming who you need to be, so that you can get what it is that you’re going after in your career and life.
TRANSCRIPT
Are you one of those professionals who think that there are "hard skills” and “soft skills” and that the “soft skills” are not worth investing time in because it's the “hard skills” that give you the results that you need?
Well, stick with me because this week, I'm going to continue our conversation and help you understand why that is the furthest from the truth.
Hi, this is Grant Herbert, VUCA Leadership and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around building up your identity and becoming who you need to be, so that you can get what it is that you’re going after in your career and life, by helping you understand Emotional Intelligence.
Last week, we talked about the fact that it's not just about your IQ (your technical ability). There is a greater intelligence that will help you navigate life, particularly when there are people involved.
What we want to do today is unpack what Emotional Intelligence really is, and what it isn't.
I started this episode by talking about a term that gets thrown a lot called “soft skills”.
“Soft skills” are the “warm and fuzzies.” They are the skills that are nice to have, but not very often do I find people developing these skills. The reason is that most people have a misconception about their value and about the place they play in our personal and professional development.
In my experience, I find that Emotional Intelligence is not something that most people ever talk about. In fact, until about 15 years ago when I started working in this field, I didn't know there was such a thing. I found out, though, that I didn't have any throughout my military and corporate career. I realised that this was the missing element in my career, where I was always really good technically, but I didn't get on with myself and with other people.
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware emotionally and to know in the moment what the sensations — those physiological emotions — are trying to tell us. Then, to use that information to navigate the emotion in a healthy way that brings about positive feelings and results.
I work in the areas of both Emotional and Social Intelligence. Moving forward, we’ll get into social Intelligence as well, which is all about being able to understand what might be going on in another person and then using that to be able to navigate the relationship. But for now, I want to focus on YOU. I want to focus on the competencies that will help you to navigate your own emotions.
Last week, I talked to you about the fact that emotions are misunderstood. Most people think that we need to manage our emotions. However, this is not true. We, instead, need to manage the response to the emotion.
Emotions are not something to leave at the door when you come to work; they are a part of who you are.
You are an emotional being.
In the work that I do in Emotional Intelligence, there are two quadrants that you need to work in.
The first one is Self-Awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to know what's going on in the moment. It is being able to notice the sensations and give them a name as a feeling. Then, to navigate from there.
Self-awareness contains three particular areas that you need to work on.
When you’re self-aware, you know what's going on.
It's like in psychology, there are four levels of competence (and the language is so encouraging).
The first level is when we have ‘unconscious incompetence’.
What that means is you don't know that you don't know.
I find that in my own experience when I first was exposed to Emotional Intelligence, and in the experience of everyone that I work with, this really fits with emotions.
This is because if you don't know what you’re experiencing, then how are you supposed to navigate it in a particular way using a strategy that's going to give a good result?
So, self-awareness contains emotional self-awareness, which the ability to be able to know which emotion you are experiencing in a particular moment.
It's also about accurate self-assessment.
Accurate self-assessment is the ability to have a real understanding of where your level of competency is in the 13 competencies of Emotional Intelligence in a way that goes beyond thinking that you are more than where you are to please others and also to go beyond where you think you're not.
The third area is Personal Power.
Personal power is your inner self-confidence. It is the ability to know that you've got everything within you and around you to get through life.
So, those are the three competencies of self-awareness.
This is where we start.
Then we move into the quadrant of Self-Management.
Self-management is the second part of the Emotional Intelligence quadrant, where you use what you learn to be able to navigate the emotion. In this quadrant, there are ten areas that you can work on.
One of these areas is behavioural self-control which is the ability to take what the emotion is telling you and then be able to control, manage or regulate where you allow your thoughts to go and, therefore, where you allow your behaviour to go. It's being able to direct your emotions, and leverage their power, rather than letting them hold you back.
So, they are the two areas that you need to be able to work in. In the area of self-management, there are another nine competencies. Over the coming weeks, we’re going to step through a lot of those.
But for now, I want you to understand a couple of things:
1. Emotional Intelligence is a vital area of your development. If you think back to the conflict and the challenges that you've gone through over the last little while, I will guarantee that emotions come into it. Being taken off track from logic and experiencing an unhealthy journey through your emotions.
2. You must start with awareness. You need to be able to have strategies to navigate what that awareness tells you.
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware of your emotions and then manage your response to them.
Over the next few weeks, we're going to continue to work through and get a greater understanding of this wonderful intelligence and the competencies that go with it.
When you're able to harness the power of your emotions, and use them in a way that helps you navigate down a healthy path of behaviour, you'll get the results you want much more quickly.
Well, that's it for me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation and get into the first area of Self-Awareness. I'll see you then.
